Thursday, May 26, 2011

Spruce Pine, North Carolina

Dearest Baby Buchanan,
It's almost 11:30AM here in Spruce Pine, North Carolina. I've been thinking about you for um, almost 12 weeks consecutively now. Hah, according to my Dr., Im twelve weeks today. I can't stop thinking about you, or talking about you, or talking about what life has been like since I've known you exist. I sat down to write a little bit about being in Spruce Pine and decided I'd tell you about it. I was here last week while your papa was out of town and I was thinking about how much I wish he was with me so it's really cool that I didn't have to wait to get a trip here with him. I love coming here, it's where I met him. Every time we come I'm filled with memories of my first trips here and falling inlove with the mountains in a way I never had. It's kinda funny because when he comes back he thinks of growing up here and all of the things he doesn't like about this town. On our way driving up the mountain yesterday he said how strange it is that he immediately thinks about what he doesn't miss about being here. It's so strange to me because my perspective was that he was always such a popular character here. I think of staying up all night flirting awkwardly before we'd admitted to being smitten with each other, swimming in lakes and creeks, sitting through sweet southern baptist church services watching Aaron doodle my name on his bulletin, being the underdog more than ever because I was the girl that swooped into town and stole Aaron's heart. He was in a way, a ring-leader in the community and people were always drawn to him. He always seemed so full of life and spending time with him there were always people dropping by and showering him with comments on his character. Even if I hadn't been drawn to him immediately, just sticking around and seeing the way people doted on him would have either convinced me that he was something special, or he was up to something. Haha. Such a rockstar in a pokey, magical, middle-of-nowhere, mountain town. One of these days I'll probably take the time to write down the moments that swept me off my feet when I met your dad.

So, yesterday was your appalacian Grammaw, and Aunt's birthday. We came into town and had supper with them and watched some super-over-stimulating tv that I hope you go for many years without being exposed to. (I hope you never see or enjoy American Idol in particular. It was a finale show that felt like the longest ever superbowl half-time show ever.) It was entertaining, but they spent millions of dollars to get me to feel that way, as disconnected as I am to mainstream music and entertainment. ...... We ate an incredible concoction of strawberry cobbler and icecream. I had an extra portion and a half just thinking of you. We spent the night at our friend's Meghan and Ian Cresawn's home.  I have been sitting here all morning gushing at the beauty that surrounds their home. They have a tiny house on a hill with land on all sides. I don't know how Aaron isn't mesmurised by this beauty enough to want to live here. Though it'd likely take a LOT to get a cute house like this on any amount of land but a part of my soul just feels as close to heaven as I've ever been. That's pretty extreme but ...(Im just shaking my head... I can't find words to describe the peace and fullness I feel when sitting in the middle of such a display of creation's perfection.) ... the only thing that I know for sure about heaven is the feeling of being completely full and without want. So looking out over rolling mountains and green with an occassional wire or wooden fence, overgrown fields, some fresh-cut grass, old tin-roofed sheds, and rocking chairs.... I guess these things make me feel full in a small way. Haha.

 I can't wait to lay you on a blanket in the grass out here and soak it up with you. I love that I get to dream about one day when you'll be running around in it and letting it be some imaginary land where you carry out any obscure duty like doctoring little creatures you find or roaming through jungles of tall grass. On that note, I hope you don't enjoy bugs, I'll get over it if you do. Maybe you'll grow up wanting to be an Entomologist, I guess that'd be really cool.

Letters from my parents about their thoughts of me and hopes for me from when I was unborn or even as I was growing up would be so cool to read so hopefully there'll be a day when you can read my notes and see in hindsight the way my love for you started and lived itself out. Hopefully you'll be proud of me despite the boy/girl I cried over catching you kiss or the parties I knowingly sabotaged thinking I was protecting you from something. Man, I'm praying for patience and wisdom in parenting. And I'm praying that you grow to have patience with me and see often that I make mistakes. I just hope that you grow up seeing me repent for my wrong-doings. I hope I can be open and honest with you instead of trying as hard as I have in the past to protect the people that I care about from knowledge of the darkness within me.

Your Sweet Momma

I love entering a season of my life filled with so much hope and desire. I don't like whatever it is that sparks in a person when they hear me talk about these things that make them want to tell me "how it's really gonna be." I pray that the hope I feel is righteous and God given, not prideful or selfish. I guess I feel like a lot of this "optimism" is rooted in love and reality that Christ inspires. I'd like to think I'm a realist so as much as I (hope that I) welcome advice or correction - I would love to find a way to politely and quickly end some people's free parenting tips.

These are Cheapskates Thrift Store, Jeffery "the squirrel" Earl Watson, us driving in Jeff's truck, and Jeff took a picture for us of Aaron and myself with Carl, the guy that sold Aaron the lot that used to be Aaron's home and business. And a lumber yard beside the railroad.


  1. I love that my house brought you so much joy this morning. It is a special place. The land is like no other. I look forward to having little Baby Buchanan coming to visit and running around the front yard one day while we sit on the porch and sip sweet tea. I'll have to perfect the recipe first. Hmm... I'm sooo glad that you guys stayed. I have missed you both so much. Love you.

  2. you guys look so grown up. big mama and papa buchanan. i hope you told spruce pine hi for me.

  3. Nope kaki,I didn't tell it anything. HAHA. Thanks for calling me big.


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