Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Everything On My Mind

Our friends in Charlotte post atleast a picture each day since their little babe was born in February. This was from this past week while Aaron was staying with them between trips to the Library. I love it. So much.  Day EIghty Two: "Scared of Technology"

 I left Facebook. I'm excited about the new challenge to share life with friends and family that will come of being out of this particular social network. I may not be prepared because it is likely that I will be very behind on everyone's news since everything gets posted to Facebook but I am pretty hopeful that friendships will be richer with more personal human interactions. (As I now blog about my personal life... HA.)

Aaron is in Charlotte for 2 more days. He'll be back Friday. (My 26th birthday by the way.) I can't waittttttt. He's been gone since last Thursday. Living apart feels so unnatural. But resting has been really nice. I've felt a lot of peace. I've also spent a lot of time at our grocery store on the internet talking to Kaki while she's in France. Its strange to think about the minutes that I get to speak to her and hear about her trip are merely seconds in her day packed full of new experiences and sights. I love the friendship we have and the ways that I get to know her like nobody else does. I love asking her questions and getting a ton of extra information about what she's experiencing just by knowing the way she speaks and moves so well.  In a way I feel like I know her better than Aaron sometimes. I love these things about knowing your spouse too, but its a neat thing to behold when it occurs to you that you share something so intimate with a good friend. And when its brought to my attention, Im a lot more appreciative of Kaki.

Aaron and I are praying about where we should be living. When I start having feelings about something that are strong enough to feel really pulled in a direction, Im learning that I take it to prayer a lot slower than other things that I dont feel direction on at all. So this is what's happening for me. Different conversations with friends and family have really backed up some pretty recent feelings of being unsettled here. I dont know why, and Im absolutely not checking out because community has been the thing most laid on our hearts while living here... but we, (me more than Aaron I think), have been feeling maybe more than anything, an openness we've never experienced to being uprooted and living anywhere. A friend that I spoke with this week said that she experienced something like this in her first pregnancy. As we talked, we both aren't sure if its just an attachment to the new family we're creating and a feeling of detachment from all other superficial things? Obviously community isn't superficial and lots of other things about where we live, we just have discernment on whether this is merely hormonal changes or spiritual pangs towards something we're being called to do - now on our radar.

The midwifery that I am doing all of my prenatal visits with has my due date down as December 8th instead of the 7th that we were told at the hospital. Thats my brother's birthday. Im sure the specific date is rarely all that accurate but I wouldnt mind if the baby was born healthily at the end of November, what an awesome Thanksgiving gift that would be. And personally, I'd prefer a November birthday. I have an appointment tomorrow that I'll likely hear the heartbeat. I really can't stop thinking about ways that I could get access to my own ultrasound machine so I can spend every waking minute watching my little one grow. I don't feel like a super mom and I was never a fan of the way pregnancy makes a lot of people narcissistic and unable to talk about anything but babies, now Im realizing that:

  1. I have been too hard on these women because good grief, its 9 freaking months of the wildest, most rapid health/physical changes a persons body probably goes through without death being an outcome.
  2. It does feel really narcissistic and maybe some of these people have struggled with the fact that they cant spend time with friends without talking about themselves this much. Haha, seriously. I dont know how to stop it. I think I already had this problem previous to all of this, because I enjoy the challenges of accurately articulating EVERYTHING about being me. (It may not be fun for everyone else but I always feel like I've accomplished something when I feel like I've truly expressed a feeling or thought I've had - I never run out of this type of material.)   (:
I've signed up for every ounce of financial aid we can through this. Oh socialism! Just kidding. It is bizarre that through Medicaid, having a baby at a hospital will only cost us $300. One day I'll get to show my child a receipt for their first breath. That's funny to me. And it was only $300. 

Something I was so curious about previous to pregnancy was what food aversions I would experience because in my adult life so far there hasn't been a food that I dislike. Well, pregnant me dislikes everything. Unless its cooked for me and I just get to show up and eat it. Peas by themselves so far are the only thing I can't really force myself to eat. They have no appeal. My favorite foods right now are all fruit, tacos, chicken pot pie, and Lucky Charms. (Aaron forbode me to buy them and doesn't know yet that this week while he was away I bought some.) Im pretty sure Im going to have to either get a in-home-chef or start drinking protein shakes because I can't force myself to prepare any meats. I still like them, just dont want to cook them. Or handle them unless Im putting them in my mouth.

All of that being said, aren't I interesting?! Haha. Till next time!

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