Saturday, February 4, 2012

2 Months In

I've been experiencing so many new things and its flying by way too fast to make records. I really could use help. Woodrow is huge. He doesn't feel like an infant to me anymore. Even hanging out with older children, he seems so big to me. He is heavier and as large as a lot of our friends 6+ month olds. (He is 2 months and a week.)

His hands are big. His feet are big. His little body has leveled out to sweet, rolly, perfect proportions. Also, between sleep schedules changing and starting to make some sense, feeding all the time to feeding on schedule, loud baby noises, and alert eyes - new born'ness seems so far gone. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, and that's okay... maybe even preferred, but I already want another baby. I didn't feel that way immediately, but now I am confident that I would love it. I know it'd be hard but I am confident that it will be pretty difficult to adjust whenever it happened, so I'm thinking, the sooner the better while we're having constant humility lessons. Woodrow is amazing. Either people exaggerate about how hard babies can be, they are mistaken and it's just sleep deprivation that makes any task more difficult, or babies really can be super difficult and we are really, really fortunate. Woodrow seemed collicky a few nights maybe, that was stressful but mostly because I always start to stress about "what if this keeps happening?" "what if I never get sleep again?" .... so I suppose I am not easily stressed in the moment, I just start thinking ahead and it wears me out.

One thing that has been constantly on my mind since we had Woodrow is how fractured community really is. We were really impressed even with how our church community were dropping by with food and visiting in the last 2 months... it's been so great feeling supported that way. But it's hard for me to believe people would ever be overwhelmed, or burnt out with kids if they had friends and/or family really close. I mean stopping by all the time, walking to each other's houses. People helping out so much that you have to ask for time alone really. I am a big fan of alone time, but it's sad to me that people rarely have to protect alone time for any other reason than getting too busy with other things in their own schedule. I swear I am not somebody that wants people around all the time but I am confident that that's what true community should be. After having Woodrow, I also know what it's like to want people to step out of my home and give me time with my new family member and Aaron but it is sad to me that people get married, and sometimes before kids even come, they are hard to get ahold of... but then kids happen, and life gets busier. It shouldn't be hard to see people you love. We shouldn't all be so spread out and consumed with our own goings on. I guess I feel this way a lot because making time to go out and see people with a new baby is hard.. and I'm sure I will get the hang of it better... as a matter of fact, last weekend we went to Charlotte for the weekend (2ish hour trip out of town), and this weekend, Woodrow and I are in Atlanta (3+ hours) seeing friends. But without friends willing to just come and sit with me between naps, friends wanting to go to lunch, friends just showing up - it would be super hard to be involved in other people's lives and really easy to just soak up time in my home away from everyone. YES, there's good time for down time and nesting, but I don't think we should ever be far removed from friendship, encouragement, and accountability.

Wow, rambles.

That wasn't near as coherent as I'd like it to be but I am a little distracted and feeling guilty cause I am at a friend's house and trying to put down a few of these thoughts while they're fresh. (By the way, living in a house with 5 other women for a couple days feels strangely like it could work long term. ... I desire physical closeness and intimacy so much right now.) So much we've been experiencing is in the past and I can't believe how far away some of it feels. It brings me a lot of peace to recount the incredible things I'm going through, it brings me joy to look back at my writings and share them with people, and it encourages me when I start to feel crazy.

Anyway, this was a strange little post. It's super evident reading back over it that I am exhausted but most importantly, super in love. I love feeling like we're growing. 

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